First consultation outcome

Yesterday was our first appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). I wasn't too sure what to expect besides completing a questionnaire and sitting with the RE to discuss an investigation plan.

The first thing that was recommended to me was taking additional supplements in addition to prenatal vitamins:
-1,000 mg Omega 3 fatty acid
-500 mg vitamin C
-1,000 mg Vitamin D
-150 mg Ubiquinol (coQ10)

As it turns out, Aunt Flo actually showed up yesterday morning and it was perfect timing since we were able to start cycle monitoring right then and there. No time wastage necessary here!  Besides, I already had to give blood for the AMH test (ovarian reserve) so what's a little more, right?

I now have to go back to the clinic at least 4 more times for ultrasounds and blood over the next couple of weeks. Let's just say I'm thankful I'm not afraid of needles... I'm also booked for a sonohysterography and an endometrial biopsy later this month. Most of my tests are covered by provincial health insurance and I'm only $155 out of pocket.

My partner has it easier than me test-wise (men are lucky). He also had his blood work taken yesterday. He now has to give two semen samples for a standard semen analysis (concentration, motility, morphology, volume, anti-sperm antibodies), another one for sperm chromatin assay (DNA fragmentation), and a urine sample. Only the SCA test is not covered and this costs $200.

We should be done with the tests by the first week of December, at which time we will meet with the RE again to get our results and discuss a treatment plan.

I must admit we both felt overwhelmed with the number of times we'll have to go the clinic for either testing or sample drop off. We were given a whole lot of information to absorb and the fact that my period started on the same day means that we got started earlier than we thought.

I'm now looking forward to knowing what's wrong with us, if anything, and figure out what the next steps will be.

At this point, my partner and I agree that if the solution is a complicated one, then we don't know for sure that we'll want to proceed. For us, IVF is included in that category right now. I'm sincerely hoping our issue is one of timing or I have something that can be quickly resolved (blocked tube).

In any case, we shall see.. For the moment, I'm extremely thankful for having a partner that is so supportive and willing to get to the bottom of this. It took him years to be ready to try for a baby and he finally went in with a "if I'd doesn't work it's just not meant to be" attitude so I know what going through all of this means to him.

If anyone that is reading this is also TTC and having a hard time, I'm wishing you luck in your journey. Get help if you feel like you need it and most of all, keep fostering that hope that you WILL be blessed with a baby sooner or later.

Much love

Got an appointment!

Just when I finally accepted I'd have to wait at least another month and a half before I got my initial consult with the fertility clinic, I got a phone call from them and I'm finally booked for tomorrow! I'm feeling nervous but at the same relieved that the ball is rolling. I guess it will be a while before the tests are done and I get the results from those, but I'm happy something is happening.

Also super thankful my job offers me the flexibility I need to be able to leave midday for appointments and whatnot. The same goes for my partner too.

In other news... Interestingly, my usually regular cycles of 32 days with ovulation occurring between CD17 has been whacky this month. First of all, I had EWCM on CD7-8 which never happens. I figured it's not anormal to have more than one patch of fertile CM in a month and didn't make anything out of it. We did not. BD during those two days either as my partner was sick. My clearblue fertility monitor didn't request OPK sticks before CD10 and given the fact that I ran out of Wondfo, I didn't test at all before CD10. I've had high readings from CD10 to CD21 when I had some bleeding (about maybe 5ml of blood). No peak this month... I'm thinking I ovulated 10 days earlier than normal and missed my fertile window. Damn it, I regret purchasing the CBFM so much right now!
In any case, I've had brown spotting  today  and I've been experiencing my usual pre-AF symptoms like headache, slightly tender breasts, mild cramping, super tired. I'm sure AF will show up tomorrow.

It sucks but at least we'll be getting help soon.

On to cycle 15 we go

I kind of forgot to update this blog, but as the title says, another cycle has come and passed. As usual,  I was devastated when Aunt Flo showed up. For the first time ever, I voiced my concerns to my partner - namely that I'm afraid the fertility specialists will tell me I'm sterile and there's nothing we can do. I proceeded to lay my head on his chest and cry in silence for a while. Mr. S was unshaken as usual. He is always so optimistic and adapting. He's saying it's not the end of the world if that happens, there are workarounds. Of course, he's always been okay with having kids or not so its not the same for him as it is for me.

I don't know about the workarounds though... If it came to that, I don't feel like I'd be able to go with adoption at this point.. It's a long and difficult process and I feel I've run out of energy... I've been let down by my fertility. I couldn't take being let down by adoption. Aye...

Anyway, as I said the last time, I was waiting to see if we'd be successful last cycle before I went further.  I saw my doctor yesterday and he is referring me to a fertility clinic. I'm hoping it won't be too long before I get a call from them. Most of all,  I'm praying whatever issue they find is easily fixed.

Semen analysis results and next steps

Well, the results are in! As it turns out, Mr. S produces more than enough little guys. That it itself is great, but there's just a tiny little problem - the motility and morphology rates are low at 9.74% and 1% respectively. Needless to say this is not the news I was hoping for but apparently, our Doctor is not concerned and said the results were "actually pretty good". I'd like to see things his way, but I suppose I'll just have to settle for the next best thing. In this case, fully trust that he knows better!

Anyway, our Doctor suggested that if we like and still want to, he can refer me to the fertility clinic so that I can get tested. I will go ahead with this, however I decided to wait and see if my period will start as it should next weekend.

In the meantime, I'll be testing daily. I have a handful of Wondfo tests to use and I'll start using the Clearblue advanced fertility monitor from the next cycle on. This means (to me at least) that I can test as often as I like since it's not technically being wasteful. Hey, that's my reasoning - I never said it would make sense! Anywho, I tested today at 9 DPO and unsurprisingly got a BFN. I'm strangely not bothered by it. Maybe it's the fact that I know we have a lower chance of success than normal, but I'm kind of almost at peace with it...

In other, somewhat related news I've been checking my cervical mucus daily for the first time and I've been having creamy CM since I ovulated. I'm not sure if this is normal for me or not. Time will tell!

Sperm analysis booked!

Mr.S has booked his sperm analysis appointment for September 6th. I'm really happy we won't have to wait a long time for it to be done, but there may be an issue with timing...

I'm entering my fertile week right now. Because of the 2-5 days abstinence period that is needed prior to the test, we won't be able to have sex the day before and the day of my expected ovulation date. That's disappointing but knowing that sperm can live for up to 5 days in my body, I guess we'll just have to do the deed as much as we can before we have to abstain completely!

I think it would be wonderful (and frankly hilarious) if we conceived this month. I will certainly do my best to do it! 😉

Getting the ball rolling

I had an appointment with my doctor this morning to discuss my difficulties conceiving. I was ready to give him a gold mine of information about my cycles, the measures I've been taking to get pregnant, the frequency of our baby dancing, my exercise regimen, my caffeine and alcohol intake, etc.

Turns out it wasn't necessary. The plan for now will be to have Mr. S' sperm tested. Since there's only one test that needs to be done for him, it's way easier to start with him. I will be referred to a fertility clinic pending his test results.

Now this wasn't our expectation. We thought I would be tested and then if it came to that, then Mr. S would be. I spoke to him when I got home and he didn't seem to be overly thrilled although he understand that this step is necessary in order for me to be tested. I choose to look on the bright side... At least he didn't flat out say "f*ck it" and refused to do it!

I have to say I'm glad he's taken a common-sense approach to this by holding my referral to the fertility clinic... At the same time, I'll be 35 in a few months and I don't want to waste any more time than necessary.

Mr. S is booked in to see the doctor on Wednesday. Hopefully, he gets tested quickly and we get the results we want!

Our TTC journey so far

So we've been trying to conceive for 13 cycles without success. In the beginning, I was feeling excited and optimistic, but these beautiful feelings turned into sadness, frustration, fear, and anxiety over time.

By this point, I was hoping I would've seen that beautiful pink line on one of the many, many tests I bought. Unfortunately for us, it hasn't happened. Here's our TTC journey so far.

I guess I should start from the beginning... My partner and I have been together for 18 years. For years on end, we didn't talk about starting a family as we were 1) quite young - I was 16 when we first started dating - and 2) he made it clear it wasn't in his life plan to have children. I was of the same opinion for a long time. Then, 5-7 years ago, I started to change my mind and started dreaming about the lovely family we could have. Many discussions were had since and we were close to getting started when the opportunity to move to Australia came. We couldn't say no to that and we agreed to put our family project on the back burner.

We lived in Australia for two years and came back to Canada in 2014. My dad unexpectedly passed away on June 28 of the same year. This brought the conversation back to life and a year later, my partner agreed to really start trying.

In the first few months of trying to conceive, we (I) decided not to take things too seriously. We just had sex whenever we felt like it and didn't use anything special to help with conception. From the 6th cycle, I started to think maybe a little nudge was needed so I bought ovulation tests, a BBT thermometer and fertility-boosting tea. Nothing... I then added Vitex and then Maca Root to the regimen. Nothing... I then started using TTC friendly lube during my fertile week. Still nothing...

I've just started my period now which marks the 14th cycle of trying to conceive. I thought stress was the big impeding factor here, but then I was on holiday for 3 weeks, has frequent sex during my fertile weeks and still wasn't pregnant in the end. Now I know that there is a 20-25% of conceiving in any given cycle, but I'm growing increasingly worried that there's something wrong with me...

I kind of had this thought in the back of my mind that if we can't naturally conceive, it would be because we're not supposed to be parents. At first, I didn't even want to go through any sort of testing to see if everything's normal. I somewhat changed my tune now and I want to at least know if it's even worth trying any longer. Each period becomes more  heartbreaking than the last. I don't know that I want to put myself through this for another year.

I finally gathered all of my courage and I'm going to see my doctor on Monday morning. I'm hoping I can get the required testing done quickly. Best case scenario, I'm perfectly fine or I do have an issue that is easily fixed. If it turns out that IVF or IUI is our only hope, I still don't think I'll go down that route but I will at least know what's what.

Am I afraid of what may come out of this testing? Absolutely! Would I be able to accept being told I'm infertile? Heck, I would probably cry hearing the news and wouldn't be surprised if I fall into a deep depression... I still feel like I need to go forward with this though. Knowing is half the battle after all...