On to cycle 15 we go

I kind of forgot to update this blog, but as the title says, another cycle has come and passed. As usual,  I was devastated when Aunt Flo showed up. For the first time ever, I voiced my concerns to my partner - namely that I'm afraid the fertility specialists will tell me I'm sterile and there's nothing we can do. I proceeded to lay my head on his chest and cry in silence for a while. Mr. S was unshaken as usual. He is always so optimistic and adapting. He's saying it's not the end of the world if that happens, there are workarounds. Of course, he's always been okay with having kids or not so its not the same for him as it is for me.

I don't know about the workarounds though... If it came to that, I don't feel like I'd be able to go with adoption at this point.. It's a long and difficult process and I feel I've run out of energy... I've been let down by my fertility. I couldn't take being let down by adoption. Aye...

Anyway, as I said the last time, I was waiting to see if we'd be successful last cycle before I went further.  I saw my doctor yesterday and he is referring me to a fertility clinic. I'm hoping it won't be too long before I get a call from them. Most of all,  I'm praying whatever issue they find is easily fixed.

Semen analysis results and next steps

Well, the results are in! As it turns out, Mr. S produces more than enough little guys. That it itself is great, but there's just a tiny little problem - the motility and morphology rates are low at 9.74% and 1% respectively. Needless to say this is not the news I was hoping for but apparently, our Doctor is not concerned and said the results were "actually pretty good". I'd like to see things his way, but I suppose I'll just have to settle for the next best thing. In this case, fully trust that he knows better!

Anyway, our Doctor suggested that if we like and still want to, he can refer me to the fertility clinic so that I can get tested. I will go ahead with this, however I decided to wait and see if my period will start as it should next weekend.

In the meantime, I'll be testing daily. I have a handful of Wondfo tests to use and I'll start using the Clearblue advanced fertility monitor from the next cycle on. This means (to me at least) that I can test as often as I like since it's not technically being wasteful. Hey, that's my reasoning - I never said it would make sense! Anywho, I tested today at 9 DPO and unsurprisingly got a BFN. I'm strangely not bothered by it. Maybe it's the fact that I know we have a lower chance of success than normal, but I'm kind of almost at peace with it...

In other, somewhat related news I've been checking my cervical mucus daily for the first time and I've been having creamy CM since I ovulated. I'm not sure if this is normal for me or not. Time will tell!

Sperm analysis booked!

Mr.S has booked his sperm analysis appointment for September 6th. I'm really happy we won't have to wait a long time for it to be done, but there may be an issue with timing...

I'm entering my fertile week right now. Because of the 2-5 days abstinence period that is needed prior to the test, we won't be able to have sex the day before and the day of my expected ovulation date. That's disappointing but knowing that sperm can live for up to 5 days in my body, I guess we'll just have to do the deed as much as we can before we have to abstain completely!

I think it would be wonderful (and frankly hilarious) if we conceived this month. I will certainly do my best to do it! 😉